Like talking to a…
BW: How’s your writing going?
ASN: Good, thanks for asking.
BW: So. [That newspaper] eliminated the section you wrote for, huh? What are you going to do now?
ASN: I’m working on a lot of things actually.
BW: I heard that woman who used to be the editor of Cosmo started an online magazine.
ASN: Helen Gurley Brown?
BW: Yeah, that’s her. Why don’t you just write for her?
ASN: You know I’d love to but I can’t, I was just offered the Secretary of State position. Oops sorry, that was Hillary.
Actually I replied by saying “Thanks, I’ll look into it” and then shoving a piece of pineapple in my mouth. Why I bother answering “the others” I do not know.
Do you answer? Offer an explanation?
Or do you just shove food in your mouth, down a martini (none were available) and walk away?
It’s just way easier to say I clean houses or substitute teach.
When people ask me about my writing — I go beyond the question. I tell them — it’s easier to get published these days — on the internet, which gives instant access to a potentially wide audience. But harder to make money — Tina Fey gets a $6 million advance, so a good novelist only gets $20,000 (if they can get published at all!) and so has to take a job as a college professor. I also tell them, if writing for a living were easy, then more people you know would do it! I can at least say I did it for nearly 20 years. I also let them in on the fact that a lot of writers put a hell of a lot of money into their writing careers — $100K Iowa degrees, book doctors, continuing classes, paying people to more or less co-write books. It’s a business with start-up costs like anything else.
As to the “why don’t you?” suggestion if it’s even vaguely appropriate — I’ll say I’ll at least check it out. The suggestion given to Amy wasn’t even vaguely appropriate — as Cosmo/HGB is all about Sex and the Single Girl — when it starts covering topics in Amy’s range of expertise — then she should look into it.
Amy, dear, this is hilarious! I don’t know why you’re so hesitant to call Helen up and let her know you’re available. I was thinking I’d give Oprah a jingle later on today, when I’ve got some down time, to see if I can help her with her magazine or counsel her on TV set design. Maybe you and I could vacation in Tahiti together with all the extra cash that will be pouring in…!!!
Not a question I have to deal with, because when you’re on your hands and knees scrubbing a floor most people don’t naturally go there. They want me to be stupid and that works for me for now. Amy, Pineapple is a natural antioxidant that purges the system of obnoxious philistines. If ya can’t joke em’ puck em’.
I find answering a question like that with a question of your own turns things back on them, and often in a way that makes them uncomfortable. For instance, “Why don’t you write for Helen Gurley Brown?” Answer: “I never realized you were so interested in my writing. Do you follow my blog too? (Or) Have you read my articles in (fill in the blank?) Chances are they haven’t, and will stumble through their answer, happy to change the subject.
You guys are goooooooooooooooood!!
Amy
So far I’ve only dealt with comments to let them know when I’m published so they can buy my book. Funny that those are the very people I’m not very close with and probably won’t be on the short list if that ever happens.
I would just tell them you are about to create your own brand and online magazine and maybe she will come and work for me shortly!
LOL. This is why I wish I’d never told anyone about my blog. Sigh…
Great post! I’m not sure what’s worse, having people “direct” you to off-topic jobs, or having them ask repeatedly “who” you write for — when they don’t even have a computer. Try telling your 87-yr-old Grandma how you make a living (when most of it is web-based and she’s never heard of the “innernat”.. I swear she thinks I jack cars!
Great blog, BTW! I found you when following your comment at http://www.twitip.com/dont-be-a-twitter-snob-focus-on-friendships/
I’ll be back! (Oh, and I’m following you on Twitter)
Hey, Amy, consider this alternative. You make some random writing craft or process comment to a relative you share books and meals with constantly and she, looking blankly at you, says: I don’t know any writers.