Personal feedback is not meant to be taken personally
Last week I left feedback on a writing site — where writers posted their work soley for the purpose of getting feedback.
They only posted short excerpts, so this was merely an exercise in “are you hooked?” and “would you keep reading?”
Now granted, I tend not to grant a lot of leeway. Even in published work I question what I consider to be glitches and mediocre starts. So what am I to think if someone posts something for feedback and I have ample questions and would not keep reading if it were indeed in my slush pile or on my bedside table. But this exercise was for helping writers – if I wasn’t hooked it was my job to say why so perhaps a writer would see his or her work from a new perspective. Comments included all kinds of lengthy suggestions — wording, phrasing, pace and language. For one particular entry I commented on some wording that evoked an odd image in my mind. To me it did not work. TO ME. The words did not make sense. TO ME. And that’s what I said. That the noun and verb jumped out at me as ones that did not go together.
I, in no way, ordered the writer to change them. I’m not a publishing professional and cannot determine what will and will not be published. I am an editor, and if this was my client I would question this choice of words and ask for clarification. I’d suggest trying something else.
I did not leave that feedback so that the writer would send me an email (and I had no idea what it was about, or who this person was, until I realized the odd combo of words) to declare that while this person had a lot to learn about writing — he or she knew everything about that topic and NOUNS do VERB.
I deleted the email, feeling sorry for the writer.
Nothing personal, writer. It was my opinion. I’m a smart cookie and chances are if it didn’t make sense to me there might be someone else who doesn’t get it. Just because it makes sense to you doesn’t mean it is the right choice of words. It doesn’t mean it’s wrong – except for me. It was a virtual ‘no they don’t – oh yes they do’ that I was not/am not willing to get into.
I don’t know this person – don’t care if he or she changes the words, writes or publishes. I had nothing vested. I offer feedback to strangers on websites as a way to hone my own skills and maybe help someone along the way. I’ve edited a lot of stories and essays and novel excerpts — so I know that I can be helpful.
I assume this was a novice writer who just took it too personally. This might be the next Pulitzer Prize winning novel and it might be that I was way off base and that NOUNS do indeed VERB. But to me, it’s an image that doesn’t work — and that won’t change.
It was my opinion.
Nothing personal – except to me.
Now I totally want to know which NOUNS do or do not VERB.
Don’t you hate that? When I saw the title of this post, my first reaction was “oh yeah, I totally get that.” I’ve had feedback that I didn’t necessarily agree with but I always remember that that person took THEIR time to give me advice, therefore I should thank them and move on. I don’t have to tell them whether or not I choose to follow that advice.
Good for you for helping other writers. I’m starting to do more critiques and it’s really helped my own writing.
Literary (and art) critique is a lot like gift giving – awkward and fraught with all kinds of emotional/psychological/symbolic implications.
Moving forward with the gift giving analogy, it is incumbent upon the receiver to accept the critique graciously, even if it’s not exactly what they wanted. As for the giver, it is the thought that counts, so do it thoughtfully.
In other words, “You suck” is not a valid criticism. Critique of one’s art is not personal, yet it always feels that way. All writers, artists and performers must learn that if you want to believe the good stuff they write about you, you must also believe the bad stuff. And therein lies the rub, as they say.
Amy, your feedback to me has always been kind and thoughtful and helpful. Perhaps this person was having a bad day.
The whole idea of feedback is to become better at your craft. It never feels great if someone says something anything less than “you’re brilliant!” but it is a critical part of growing as a writer or with ANY skill you want to improve. I remember during my internship trainings as a psychotherapist, my supervisor would have me audiotape my sessions and then we’d LISTEN to them… ugh… talk about humbling. But as painful as it was, my supervisors were so nice and the things they gave me feedback on made me BETTER!!! Which was great, especially since now I’ve thrown my doctoral degree in the toilet to start over again as a (hopeful) writer. and i personally would be THRILLED to have you offer your expertise on anything i wrote… it would surely be covered w/ red ink, but as long as things are honest and constructive, that is what HELPS you grow
its too bad that writer couldnt put their defenses down and ego aside to learn something… especially since you gave up some of your valuable time…
wow, this was long. sorry
The glass is always half full, unless it’s empty. If it’s empty one must fill it up with the good vibe…feeling zen.
hugs
Having been on the receiving end of your feedback and assistance I can honestly say that whatever you did or didn’t say was said (or not said) with the best of intentions…
I spent last night at a Query Letter rejection workshop at Grub Street. Upon entering the classroom I was taken aback by the box of tissues on the table, wondering if the instructor was particularly harsh and hoping I wouldn’t be the one she’d make cry (I wasn’t). Agent Sorche Elizabeth Fairbank was honest yet fair and while she did cross out complete sentences she also provided some very welcomed suggestions. Time to toughen up, people, you think this is hard wait until you’re reviewed!
I hope that writer’s email won’t prevent you from sharing your thoughts and opinions in the future!!!
Wonder if this person will ask for feedback again? Sheesh. Good for you for not responding to someone who just wanted to argue.
I’ve run into this and it always scares me. I want to help, offer what I can and I think most serious writers always want help. Then there are others who want praise instead of help.
I have someone like that in my writers group. Everyone could tell him the same issue about his story and still the next week it’s still there.
What’s that saying that if three people point it out…fix it!
I have this theory, dont put yourself out there if you cant take the criticism – constructive or not. This person needs to keep an open mind. Geez. Did at any point did you say, ‘you are an awful person’…??!!?!? I mean, really, they could have just ignored your comments … blown it off with a ‘whatever’. As much as I would have wanted to write back, no response is the best response.
**insert your feedback here** ;o)