Why doesn’t ‘buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’
I did not write any of this, and I don’t know who did – but I sure wish it was me! A friend sent it my way and I couldn’t resist sharing it here.
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And there’s more…
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8.) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Have anything to add?
This was “too” intriguing “to” not share with “two” others!
I love it! You and Mark Terry are on the same wavelength. Have you been to his blog today?
This is all very amusing. As a side note, I read some ware that French fries were named because the method used for cooking them was associated with the French, not because they origionated France.
Hi Amy:
I taught ESL as a volunteer for about five years off and on to Cambodian and Vietnamese refugees. Once we got past the basics (I always start my classes with police/fire, 911, and how to explain what is wrong with your baby to a doctor), they ALWAYS would say, “WHY IS ENGLISH SO HARD????” This stuff drives new English speakers crazy–and you can hardly blame them!
E
P.S. But for the record, they tried to teach me to speak and write Vietnamese and I am pretty sure when I say, “You’re welcome” I am actually issuing a curse.
Amy, I received this email a few months ago and LOVED it!! I sent it to a bunch of friends who’s first language was not English and they loved it. Even now, trying to teach my 5 year old these strange and inconsistent spellings leaves him wondering and me sympathetic!!
I haven’t anything to add but that was a great post!!
Regarding the availability of bachelors in Alaska:
“The odds are good, but the goods are odd”
Regarding hamburger not having ham in it, that made me think of the old A-1 commercial. “It’s not ground ham, it’s ground steak!” Which isn’t really that funny, but for some reason, his earnestness always made me laugh.
This is a good one Amy! Made me grin. Makes one grateful that English is their first language.
This is wonderful and sooo true!!
wound and wound drive me around the bend!